Tag Archives: random

Changing Tides and Church Bells

I didn’t think I’d see this day
I didn’t think I’d feel this way
At least not so soon

I didn’t want this time to come
Where I’m left with explosions
Of years in my brain

Like lightning
Thunder rolls
You can’t ignore
And there’s the flash

Strangely been waiting for it
I know it’s timely and needed

As I walk away
I know we can’t stay
The stars are pulling us for a time
They are speaking 

I haven’t lost faith
I just know things won’t be the same

So tonight I won’t close my eyes
Hoping dawn will pass us by

But there’s no use holding on so tight

Change is always bound to come
With fists and screams it may meet some
But I know we grow steady as the trees
Faithfulness and love will put us at ease

Swells of tears
Memories and years
Are being let go 

The pulse of life
Joy and strife
It’s time for the new

These nights I soak in the sounds
Of church bells ringing
Songs for the changing
and wandering mind
Finding peace in its tradition
and its constant chimes

A lot of things may come and go
Even the songs and hymns in my soul
But my heart will always remember and know
That you were my home.

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River Sound

Sometimes.
The sound of the river.
Is all you need.
For some serenity.
The simplicity.
Cool air.
Vacant stare.
Cool breath.
Summer’s death.
But hope is still beneath.
All that we can see.
So much reality.
Hidden from plain sight.
The moon and the coming night.
Questions swirling.
Thoughts twirling.
The unknown.
No control.
Let it go.
Moral compass.
On patrol.
Wanting.
Waiting.
Calming.
Walking.
And then there’s life.
All things dissipate.
Evaporate.
Concentrate.
Reaction.
Only the moment.
Stand still.
Be still.
Not alone.
I’m never alone.
You’re never alone.
Today.
Tomorrow.
Forever.

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Unedited

I am strong
I am beautiful
I am determined
I have dreams

But tonight
I will let myself feel some things

It’s one of those nights
Every song on the radio seems right
Endlessly drifting on like a kite
Into the melodic worlds in my mind
I won’t put up a fight
No, not this time

If I say all that I feel
Would it even be real
Or only exist like the Man of Steel
The run of imaginations on a picture reel
You could call it a gift or an Achilles heel

Life really throws curveballs sometimes
And all I can do is come up with rhymes
This and that and nonsensical lines
These are my only unedited times
I guess it’s all meant to grow you by design
Struggle and pain is still divine
Everything can change at the drop of a dime
Everything known could end at anytime
But tonight all I do is let out a sigh…

At the thought of accepting and letting go

I had dreams
and it was my everything
But I’ve forgotten what it all means
No, the meaning has lost me
And I think that’s a very good thing
But it has changed everything
And most of the time I’ve been ready

So back to the drawing board
And I might be onto something
I am someone new
and there’s more to this truth

The dark side of the same coin

Happiness sits in the fantasies
Although it’s more than real to me
Pulling me down like gravity
Depending on how I see
Sometimes I am floating
You were that and now I see
It can never ever really be
This kind of life for you and me
So snap back to reality

I hate waking up in the morning
Go get in touch and do some soul searching
Got me to the edge and to the reaching
As I’m falling
Longing
Beating
Breathing
Still falling
Breathe me
Feel it
Don’t
I want to
You want to
Deny it
Soak
I want you to
Be
Sing it
I won’t
You won’t
I can’t
I can’t
That’s that

Tomorrow I will be back
Like it was none of that
Tonight I forget the fact
That I know white from black
Wish I could turn back
But I don’t

I won’t have regrets
I’ve counted 100 to nothing
They will appear and disappear
Depending on how it looks in the mirror
From where I’m standing

Either way
We are still in the present day
And I’m told God loves me the same
At least that’s why I figure my heart keeps beating on
So it’ll keep dreaming on

Though I’ll fly and sink low every time you catch my eye
And I’ll say goodbye
I know more that nothing can stop me

I am strong
I am beautiful
I am determined
I have dreams

Goodbye.
Good Mourning.
And.
Good Morning.

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The Sound

Again…

… awake in the middle of the night.
Turning and waiting for a sound that’s right.
Maybe a lullaby, a hum, a melody that’s sweet.
Something soft and gentle to put me to sleep.

It’s so very quiet,
But it’s still so loud.
If I lean in…
Will You blow away the doubt?

Then I hear it… I hear the sound…
It descends upon me like a gentle cloud,
Enveloping my fears and piercing through the shroud…

A voice so soothing, calm, and powerful, too…
I hear the sound,
“I love you.”

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Christmas Time Ramblings by a Lovesick Dreamer

Currently sitting at home, sweats and slippers on, Christmas music playing, type typity.

I think I’m done with my summer blog series… for now. Haha. I don’t think I officially ended it or anything, but I think it ended on a good enough note. I did have a few more things I wanted to talk about, but I think it would have turned into more of a sermon blog. I’m in the mood to blog and I’m not in the mood to get all serious and preachy.

SO … I’m just gonna ramble. Because I want to. I have no plan. What comes out, is going to come out. Here it goes.

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE CHRISTMAS TIME!!

And I think it is sooo appropriate to blog this on the first day of December. I’m so cool.

There’s something about winter that makes me grow warmer on the inside. I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about. Especially when the snow comes, everything is just so white, blanketed, and beautiful. You just wanna snuggle and sit by the fire, drink hot chocolate, and listen to good music, or read a good book. It’s the perfect time. Lights everywhere. Happy music everywhere… even if some are just plain ridiculous they bring smiles. There’s joy and love in the air. I look at my family and friends a little differently… I feel warm and fuzzy, I appreciate them, I wanna just love on ‘em and I want to show them how thankful I am. I remember how blessed I am… because it’s not necessarily a lovely, warm season for everybody.

Unfortunately, there is only one downside to winter and the Christmas season. It’s that it makes me 20 times more of a goner in my hopeless romanticitis. Haha. (I just made that up… I made it sound like a disease! Didja get it?!) So yup. I admit it. I am a hopeless romantic sometimes. And since winter to me is such a romantic time of year, I just ooze… and I don’t think it’s just me. Recently, every conversation has been about finding someone and being in a relationship, both with friends and family. I don’t know if this is something that has happened every year, but I am definitely noticing it this year. Not that there is much I can do about it.

Haha… but I’m just kidding. Not about being a hopeless romantic this time of year, but about it being unfortunate. While I do become all googly-eyed, I don’t feel like a loser. I’m happy. And I am SO thankful. Deep, deep, thankfulness has just welled up in my heart this week. I am so thankful for my life. Thank for my friends. Thankful that my roommate is my friend. Thankful for my family. Thankful that I get to work a job that is about helping the less fortunate. Thankful that I get to bring smiles to people who have every reason to be angry and upset and have no hope. Thankful that my health is well and my heart that is full. Thankful that I can do what I love without limit, even if it’s just in my room for now. It’s pure and raw. Thankful that I have the luxury to dream… Dream about my future, my life. That it’s not just about how I’ll survive tomorrow or if I’ll eat. Thankful that I can feel really good about dreaming of sharing my heart and life with someone whom I will love and share my life with because I’ve been fighting to keep what the world so easily sees as worthless and throws away. I have good dreams, and much goodness to look forward to. So I am not worried.

This is a good time for a transition.

I’m not gonna lie, I have been worrisome…. About my future, my destiny, my dreams. My dreams have felt so HUGE to me the past couple months. SO HUGE. Like. IMPOSSIBLE. I’ve felt that way before, but lately, I’m like… absolutely at a loss. Haha. In reality they’ve always been impossible. But they just seem even bigger to me now because I am realizing I have have NO control and strength, talent, knowledge, resources, to make ANYTHING happen whatsoever. And sometimes I don’t even know exactly what it is I want. I think I know and I think I’m ready for whatever I picture, but then I feel in my heart, I don’t even know what it is I’m asking for. I just think I know. We are so limited. We don’t even know fully what we’re capable of. We think our biggest dreams are going to be our greatest achievement. And THAT in our eyes is HUGE and like the greatest thing ever. We don’t know fully who we are, what we’re capable of, what we’re REALLY destined for. I think God gives us dreams that kind of urge us on and point us in the right direction, but we have NO idea really what He has in store for us. I think that’s why it says in the Bible that He exceeds and goes above and beyond all we ask or imagine. There is so much more for us than what we are even able to dream up. And it’s ALL impossible.

It’s been nice to be reminded that it’s a journey. If you don’t embrace and enjoy the journey, you’re missing out on the beauty of your life in the moment! God has a lot for the future, but He has lot for us now, too. He exceeds everything we could ever dream for ourselves and it’ll be awesome, but that also means the way and the road that gets us there will be just as unexpected and full of adventure that we won’t always be able to make sense of.

Trust. Yup. Love. Yup.

We gotto remember that He loves us. That He is good. And trust that He has a plan for us. A good plan. That even today is a part of that plan. Even if it doesn’t seem good to you.

We just give ourselves waaaaayyyyy too much credit for our lives. We are just not that awesome.

So yeah. Even though I dream and it seems impossible, it isn’t mine so I don’t worry. I trust God is doing His thing. And all I have to do is remain faithful. I do still try to figure things out though, and I need direction, but I know He will guide me and speak when it’s time.

We are always asking for more faith, love, peace, patience, etc… but I am convinced that if we really knew the process of working that into us, we wouldn’t pray for it. Thank God for His grace.

Well, I don’t know if there’s anything more I want to say… Just for the future, I think I want to post more frequently with just random thoughts and expressions, more casual and raw, in the moment type of blogs.

To wrap it up:

  • Chocolate chip cookies sound really good right now.
  • I love it when Oliver wakes up from a nap and wants to sit in my lap while I’m on my laptop. He is so clumsy. He usually ends up either crashing into my desk, or slipping off of it and onto the floor. Yup. That happened like a second ago.
  • A dream was re-awakened tonight: Learning how to be a musher and be a dog-sledder. And living in a warm, cozy cabin for a little while. Alaska it is.
  • I had a sudden urge to jump off a plane today over the ocean with islands in view. No, I’m not insane. I just wanna skydive!! I’ve always wanted to. Just today, I would have done it like 5 times.
  • I REALLY need some shoes. Some new shoes and boots. Please. Somebody. A gift card to a Vans store would suffice!! And maybe one to Target? 😛
  • I feel like I could write a song to anything right now. I hear melodies and words in my head very frequently. They aren’t necessarily all good, but there’s definitely something happening to me. That’s encouraging. I’m not even sure if I even did anything to make it happen. It just started one day. It just showed me that even creating an art isn’t really  something we do on our own… or because we’re awesome.

So speaking of songs. I put up some originals on YouTube. CLICKITY CLICK.

Happy Christmas Tiiime!

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